Tough Love

Before we get to the main part, here are 4 short stories of real people:

• Rubaina, 28 years old :

“For my first weight loss attempt: I had come home after a year of being at school. My mom was supportive and didn't say anything outright, but I noticed her taking me grocery shopping, pointing out good ingredients for dishes, pointing out the serving sizes on pre-made stuff, and teaching me how to make a few good dishes at home. She said nothing overt and wasn't negative at any point on the trip, but it made me go home and weigh myself for the first time in forever.

I NEVER would have guessed I was over 110 kgs, so when the scale read 114 kgs, I nearly fainted, sat down, and cried a whole bunch, then managed to lose about 25 kgs by following random diets off of the internet and dieting.

Now, this is definitely not a great idea for great meal plans and it taught me a lot about what to eat and how much, but it didn't remotely prepare me for maintenance, and I ended up gaining back the weight plus some.

Fast forward a few years, I moved in with my now-fiancé in 2020 and we were happy and celebratory all of the time, and we both gained a fair amount of weight. After years of struggling, I had sort of 'come to terms with always being bigger and letting go of weight-loss attempts. But in November of that year, he came to me and confided that he was really unhappy at that weight, he was uncomfortable all the time, and he wanted to challenge me to see who could lose 5 kgs faster. He is competitive in a way that I'm not, I didn't want to race to 5 kgs, BUT I had all of the information and know-how for how to get the weight off, so I agreed to help.

I've been steadily losing for the last 2 years and a bit (not the last 6-7 weeks though, those have been killer). He didn't lose much initially but after seeing how simple it really is, he managed to lose 20 kgs and keep them off.

I'm now just really determined for our house to be a place where we can keep ourselves and any potential future children healthy and happy. We're not overly strict, but we're conscious of how we're treating ourselves. And if the time came, I would definitely want to do what my mom did for my kid, provide me with the tools without any of the body-image issues.”

• Sheena, 23 years old :

I've kind of always been trying to lose weight. I'm 23 now and have been trying to lose weight on and off since I was 15.

The first time at 15, I went to the doctor with my mom for acne-related reasons and when she saw the weight on the scale, she was like "Nope, this is not happening." she changed up my diet and worked out with me a couple of times a week. I went from about 95 kgs to 80kgs over the course of maybe a year I think? I didn't really weigh myself during that time.

I ballooned back up to 95 kgs after a bad bout with hormonal changes and gained those 15 kgs in two months right at the end of my final year of college. I don't know what the kicker was during my second year in college, but I managed to get down to around 80kgs.

In my first year in college, I did a leadership/orientation program for the incoming freshers at my college. After the welcome week was done, a bunch of us went to a restaurant/bar near the university and took a group photo at the table at the end. When I saw that picture, I literally couldn't recognize myself. I was like "Where am I? I thought this is where I was sitting but that chick doesn't look like me." But nope. It was me. Maybe an unflattering angle but still me being much heavier than I realized. I was probably around 90 kgs at least then.

Then from there until now, it's been a constant but slow effort. For some spans of time, I was more committed than others and for some, it was more just me telling myself "I'm trying to lose weight" but not actually doing anything.

The last year and a half have been better. I got from around 95 kilograms down to 84 kg in six to eight months and have been maintaining that same weight for about a year. But now I'm trying to actually get back down to my goal weight of 70 kg and I'm determined to make it stick.

• Mihir, 33 years old :

“I decided I didn’t want to hate myself anymore. And I knew there were things I could do to change it. Things I could do that would make me proud of myself. Things I could do that would make me happier and more confident.

The phrase that stuck with me is “I am not a victim of my body.” Not my depression, not anxiety, not an eating disorder. I am not a victim of it. It does not have to rule every waking moment. It might try to, but I can fight like hell.

I feel like a different person. I feel motivated. I feel engaged. I feel worthy of working hard for myself. And I am happy with myself for doing something about how shitty I felt about myself. So much of my brain power is spent thinking about being fat. I just want to not think about being fat.

So that’s what I’m going to do. On Monday I ordered a Fitbit and did yoga. On Tuesday I took our daughter for a long walk in the stroller. On Wednesday I... drank a lot of water and tracked my calories. Today I am doing yoga again, because I love yoga, but I stopped doing it.

It feels different than it has in the past. I’ve tried to lose it for like, eight years. Sometimes I’d get down 30 pounds, and then I’d gain it all back. This doesn’t feel like a desperate attempt to find some external accolades. I want to be proud of myself. And I keep feeling that and hearing that in my head. So I will keep doing the things that make me proud.

I have tons of excuses for why not, or why I can’t. But I must. For myself. When people say “You have to do it for yourself” I don't get it. Now I get it.”

• Isha,38 years old :

"My story kind of went in circles - I was an active and athletic kid growing up and never had to watch my weight especially since my family always had a high veggie diet and minimal meat. As bad as it sounds, everyone would compliment my body. (I competitively swam, and played throwball, volleyball, and basketball)

After my parents divorced and I stopped exercising I was a bit overweight (5’8”, 72 kgs, 17F). Then I got braces and restricted my diet so that I wouldn't get cavities. I got a bit fitter after that.

But then the braces came off and I started indulging. At this time, I was best friends with a girl and she was extremely skinny and watched her weight, to an extreme. It got to the point where she would reprimand me for wanting ice cream or kit kat. It was pretty abusive and by the time I had stopped hanging out with her, my hair was falling out and my clothes were big on me.

Fast forward, I got a bit chunky again, since I picked up the habit of eating for stress relief. Then I had noticed that all of the new friends I had made were borderline supermodels and that I didn’t feel confident in a dress next to them. It also hit me that I needed to lose weight when I started going to yoga and all the women looked so pretty and fit. They inspire me to be a better version of myself.

Today I weighed in at 68 kgs and feel good! I try to incorporate intentional movement every day. I have a goal weight of 62 kgs. Hopefully, I reach it this year!"

_________________

A common pattern in all these stories stems from self-awareness. It is even safe to say that all of the 3 people above had some euphoric moments when they realized that they have to take control of their life.

More often than ever, people tend to keep making excuses for their lack of self-discipline in order to lose weight in a healthy manner.

The highest form of self-love is tough love.

Now, how do we practice tough love?

Tough love is showing up for yourself on days even when you do not want to. Tough love is telling yourself that " I love myself enough to break patterns." Tough love is foregoing the urge to substitute calorie-dense ice creams with low-calorie snacks.

Tough love can also be picking a fitness activity and a calorie deficit diet over partying over a long weekend and piling on excess, unhealthy empty foods.

Tough love is controlling your impulse of having a short-term pleasure in order to achieve your long-term reward.

There is a saying which goes " You can only take a horse to a pond, but you can't force water into its mouth."

& while it is okay to have motivating factors around you, it is important to take note of how you need to be your biggest taskmaster in order to achieve the untenable.

Most of the people above share stories about certain instances which changed their mindset forever. In the end, it can be concluded that you need to take control of your environment instead of letting your environment take control of you.

Here are some ways you can motivate yourself even when you do not feel like it:

1. Eat lots of vegetables (and fruits if you feel the craving for something sweet)

2. Cut out fast carbohydrates (such as white bread, white rice, etc.) and switch to slow ones (such as sourdough bread, whole grain rice, etc.)

3. Cut out refined sugars & go sugar-free.

Short-term benefits include being free of the roller-coaster energy ups and downs that you get when you snack on candy or chocolate all day. The long-term benefit is better cardiovascular health, decreasing your risk of diabetes and heart disease. If you miss the sugar, fruits are a tasty and healthy replacement snack. There are plenty of options even on our snack yogi website, which is low calorie, sugar-free, healthy & even fit your calorie deficit weight loss plan.

Always remember that your story changes the day you decide to change your narrative.

Always look at how you can better your lifestyle and look for long term results. Look for a healthier alternative, because while your current self would get angry at you, your future self would thank you for picking that low-calorie snack over a calorie rich ice cream. Your future self would thank you for picking high protein over empty calories and on your journey of exploring sustainable weight loss, you will realize how easy it is when you make good health a lifestyle and not a short term goal.

There are plenty of guilt free snacks available, which have the same amount of taste and sometimes 10x more tastier and all of these options are definitely 10x better, healthier & sustainable.

Pro tip : If you wish to lose weight consistently and do not want to gain all of it back, you can start off by eating healthy, snacking healthy and exercising 3-4 days a week. It is that easy, really!

So, can you promise yourself that you will start the change for a better you and promise to be hard on yourself in order to benefit in the long run?

- Shalini M (PES1UG20BD060)_ISA 2